you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
