I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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