He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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