I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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