some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
