the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
