Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
