Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
