and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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