thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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