what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
