I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
