Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
