He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
