Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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