i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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