Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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