True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
