you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
