Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
