just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
