I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
pray to the hookup gods
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
