goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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