I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
