Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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