I'm gonna have a badass scar
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
