saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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