My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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