I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
