there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
