My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
