He is such a slut. More and more my type.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Drunk is a universal language darling
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