Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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