Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
