That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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