Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
