alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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