Got a toothbrush?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Buhtt sex?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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