I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
