apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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