Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
