i think my mom watched the whole time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize