True but thats because hes a fetus.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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