It was confusing and full of hummus
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
