My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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