he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
