the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
