Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
