Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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