i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
