I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
