I could have mohawked her pubes.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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